A single chance to redeem myself for everything...

My life is a wreck.

I've been getting high for the past 2 weeks straight. It's either smoking a couple bowls or downing rum with a couple sleeping pills. For the first time in my life I've actually had nothing to worry about; utter tranquility. I know what I'm doing is destructive, but it's a step above daily life anymore. I'm only happy when I'm dreaming. If I knew of a way to sleep more than 24 hours in a day I'd be doing it right now. I have the greatest of dreams after smoking a blunt. I've never had a better nights rest before I started drinking rum and taking sleeping pills.  It flushes away all my bad thoughts and the euphoria is downright orgasmic.

I can't take everyone's pressure anymore...if this is the alternative to suicide, I feel I can cope rather well.