morelost's MindSay Blog

Leaving for home wed, 28th.

morelost — 2008-05-27T04:05:32-05:00

I leave tomorrow. I have to take the train at 7am to the Nuremberg Train station and then from there I have to take the Subway all the way to the Airport. Hopefully I can manage all my luggage by myself. I've got two...

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What if I was already dead and in hell, but just didn't know?

morelost — 2008-05-21T10:05:05-05:00

The movie "What Dreams May Come" has always placed that notion in my head...

The part when the wife has lost her husband, and both her kids to car accidents, so she kills herself and goes to hell. But no...

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always a deadline, always too late.

morelost — 2008-05-20T12:05:56-05:00

I'm scheduled to leave here may 28th. So that leaves me this whole week to get everything closed down. But I'm living in a filthy apartment. There's old food and bottles scattered everywhere. I haven't washed clothes...

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So I cut my wrist today.

morelost — 2008-05-18T04:05:58-05:00

So I cut my wrist today. I don't feel like getting into it right now. I've already felt guilty about it all day today.

I sent an email to my parents asking if I can come home, but I haven't told them...

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Mental Health Hospital

morelost — 2008-05-15T08:05:00-05:00

I'm thinking about admitting myself to a mental health hospital. I think it would just be best that I admit myself and not tell anyone where I am until I'm ready to deal with things.

I...

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Day two, still not eating.

morelost — 2008-05-13T01:05:38-05:00

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm hungry, but I can't find the willpower to get up and get something to eat. So then I just don't get hungry anymore. I have an incredible headache right now, in fact I've probably...

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Where I see myself in the next 5 years....

morelost — 2008-05-11T08:05:18-05:00

I'm slipping away into madness. I can feel it. I always knew this day would come. I knew it way back then and I know it today.

I didn't wake up until 13:30 and basically only ate one meal. I haven't been...

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Such a fucking virus....

morelost — 2008-05-10T08:05:12-05:00

If I had to describe myself as another organism I would definitely be a virus. When I think about all the people I've met in life and the ways I've influenced them...I'm just like a virus. I took a small part of me and...

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Disturbing dreams and nasty habits.

morelost — 2008-05-02T07:05:35-05:00

I'm so disgusted with myself right now I can't even type an entry.

I've been having some fairly disturbing nightmares recently, although I haven't had a nightmare since I was a child. Yesterday I actually...

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I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

morelost — 2008-04-23T06:04:12-05:00

I asked myself the other day, if I were to die right now, who would come to my funeral? Who wouldn't come to my funeral? What would they say about me? Would they be angry? Would they remember me with love and...

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