A single chance to redeem myself for everything...

I'm so disgusted with myself right now I can't even type an entry.

I've been having some fairly disturbing nightmares recently, although I haven't had a nightmare since I was a child. Yesterday I actually woke up sweating because it was that real. These are horrifyingly, vivid nightmares. I keep dreaming of ripping my teeth out chunk by chunk, flesh by bit of flesh until there is nothing left but bloody stumps in my mouth. The pain I feel in the dream is so real, that quite a few times I've woken up in my sleep and felt my own teeth to make sure they were still there. The only thing that I can possibly equate these dreams with is my middle toe. I know this sounds crazy, but I am crazy. I have terrible habits of picking at the skin on the corners of my thumbs until the skin tears and bleeds. Also I chew at the flesh on the inside of my cheeks, biting of little pieces and eating them. Well I was having a really really bad day and I started to pick at my nails, ripping them apart. Well when I got to my middle toe and started to pick at the nail, it ripped all the way into the middle of the nail. So I ripped the whole thing off. Didn't even hurt, it bled for a while, but that stopped. I moved onto the other foot and picked at the nails again, same thing happened to the middle toe, so I ripped it out too. It was sore the next day and felt funny walking, but there wasn't any real pain.

That's the only thing I can associate with the dreams and it only dawned on me today. I keep having the same dream over and over again. Even when I switch sides in the middle of the night, the dream will just continue but in another format. Sometimes my teeth are thick and sometimes there are hundreds of teeth in my mouth, but they all get ripped out.

I'm slightly anxious about going to sleep right now....